{"id":256,"date":"2010-02-02T02:37:50","date_gmt":"2010-02-02T07:37:50","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/emprendedor.com\/2015\/?p=256"},"modified":"2015-02-02T02:40:17","modified_gmt":"2015-02-02T07:40:17","slug":"rodney-dangerfield","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.emprendedor.site\/2015\/?p=256","title":{"rendered":"Rodney Dangerfield"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"Rodney<\/a>

Rodney Dangerfield (1921-2004)<\/p><\/div>\n

A girl phoned me the other day and said… ‘Come on over, there’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home.<\/p>\n

Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.<\/span><\/p>\n

At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can’t.<\/span><\/p>\n

I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.<\/span><\/p>\n

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.<\/span><\/p>\n

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.<\/span><\/p>\n

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.<\/span><\/p>\n

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.<\/span><\/p>\n

I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.<\/span><\/p>\n

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.<\/span><\/p>\n

I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.<\/span><\/p>\n

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.<\/span><\/p>\n

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.<\/span><\/p>\n

I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.<\/span><\/p>\n

I met the surgeon general – he offered me a cigarette.<\/span><\/p>\n

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.<\/span><\/p>\n

I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.<\/span><\/p>\n

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.<\/span><\/p>\n

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.<\/span><\/p>\n

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.<\/span><\/p>\n

I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.<\/span><\/p>\n

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.<\/span><\/p>\n

I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.<\/span><\/p>\n

I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.<\/span><\/p>\n

I’m taking Viagra and drinking prune juice – I don’t know if I’m coming or going.<\/span><\/p>\n

If it wasn’t for pick-pockets I’d have no sex life at all.<\/span><\/p>\n

It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.<\/span><\/p>\n

Life is just a bowl of pits.<\/span><\/p>\n

Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.<\/span><\/p>\n

Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, knowing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about.<\/span><\/p>\n

My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.<\/span><\/p>\n

My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.<\/span><\/p>\n

My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.<\/span><\/p>\n

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.<\/span><\/p>\n

My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.<\/span><\/p>\n

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.<\/span><\/p>\n

My uncle’s dying wish – he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.<\/span><\/p>\n

My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.<\/span><\/p>\n

My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.<\/span><\/p>\n

My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.<\/span><\/p>\n

My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.<\/span><\/p>\n

My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.<\/span><\/p>\n

My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.<\/span><\/p>\n

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.<\/span><\/p>\n

One year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control.<\/span><\/p>\n

Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.<\/span><\/p>\n

The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.<\/span><\/p>\n

This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.<\/span><\/p>\n

We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.<\/span><\/p>\n

What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.<\/span><\/p>\n

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.<\/span><\/p>\n

When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.<\/span><\/p>\n

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.<\/span><\/p>\n

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.<\/span><\/p>\n

With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we’ll never see each other!<\/span><\/p>\n

With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me.<\/span><\/p>\n

Yeah, I know I’m ugly… I said to a bartender, ‘Make me a zombie.’ He said ‘God beat me to it.’ <\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A girl phoned me the other day and said… ‘Come on over, there’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home. Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself. At twenty a man is full of fight and […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-256","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-frases"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emprendedor.site\/2015\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/256","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emprendedor.site\/2015\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emprendedor.site\/2015\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emprendedor.site\/2015\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emprendedor.site\/2015\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=256"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.emprendedor.site\/2015\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/256\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":260,"href":"https:\/\/www.emprendedor.site\/2015\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/256\/revisions\/260"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.emprendedor.site\/2015\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=256"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emprendedor.site\/2015\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=256"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.emprendedor.site\/2015\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=256"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}